February 5, 2023

When I dropped by the post office a few hours ago, I was only expecting to drop some books in the mail, instead, my friendly neighborhood postman filled my ears with his theories about last Sunday’s earthquake, North Korea, and the future state of the world.
According to the postman: the quake was a result of the wily Kim Jong Il recognizing that there was no way that he could defeat the combined powers of the world. Because of that he is pretendcing to develop nuclear weopons that he already has to mask his testing of his sinister seismic weopon. The postman says that Kim Jong Il is indeed a madman and he is only interested in gaining fame and recognition and so he will do anything. His dastardly plan is apparently to shake the ground under Japan and cause the island to sink. He is going to cause huge tidal waves to wipe out the west coast of the United States and he is going to do it soon. As evidence, the postman cited that the quake happened a day after the ‘nuclear test’ and that no one else has ever gone to war from below. The postman told me that all of this occurred to him as he sat in his easy chair after the quake on Sunday and realized that the rumbling that he had felt was not a garbage truck. He’s been considering it all since then.
I thought you should know. Just like he thought I should

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