February 4, 2023

Sick of mom busting into the crawlspace while you defile yourself to amputee porn? Bask in depraved privacy with a Free Spirit Sphere, a tree house that dangles like a wooden testicle from any forest canopy. Designed to be tied to three different trees for stability, it’ll take you and two friends/suckers a day of fun with pulleys, ropes, and a pickup to get the 500-pound, nine-foot-wide Free Spirit in the air. Then it’s just two more days of hard labor to hang the accompanying bridge and spiral staircase, neither of which figures into the orb’s $81,000 price. But for that kind of green you get a waterproof one-room ball with all the amenities of your creepy Uncle Skip’s ’72 conversion van: tables, upholstered seating, and a built-in double bed. “As a fiftysomething male, I like it for meditation and communing with nature,â€? says Free Spirit Sphere builder Tom Chudleigh. “But it works great for getting laid too.â€? Even better than your uncle’s ride, since it doesn’t smell of urine and old ham. (freespiritspheres.com)

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