I have to say, it’s still a little odd to think “I’m married” or Hanane is my wife! It’s been 10 days now and I don’t know exactly what I expected from this thing called marriage, but what I’ve found is certainly better than whatever it was I thought marriage might be. It’s a little hard to describe, but there isn’t really a big change, our relationship is the same, our friendship is the same. I haven’t changed the way I dress, I didn’t get taller, and my hair didn’t suddenly all turn grey. No big earth shaking things.
But maybe it is earth shaking after all. Maybe it is life changing. Maybe things actually are completely different. I just know that it’s nice to wake up and have her there. It’s nice to know that no one can say that she can’t be. It’s nice to let people judge and not worry about them being right or wrong. It’s nice to find myself being a bit more patient as I come to realize that Hanane really is my wife and inchallah we’ll spend a long long time together.
It’s odd to suddenly need to think of someone else to include in my almost constant escape plans from wherever I might be (luckily she is tiny and almost fits in my pocket), it’s odd to need to think about providing food and shelter for someone else (but she is tiny and doesn’t eat much or need a big house), and it’s odd to think of being responsible for the material, emotional, and overall happiness of someone else ( but she does the same for me and that really makes it worth it.)
It’s all so odd and yet, it’s comforting, it’s good. It feels so much better than I’ve felt in such a long time. When I see her tiny flower covered shoes, it makes me happy. When she giggles and laughs, it makes me happy. When she holds up a big fucking knife and threatens to kill me, it makes me happy.
Yup, I’ve found the right girl for me. We both got lucky….