Flashback: Homeless Vagobond

From the Vagobond Archives: November 28, 2008 – Nearly eight years ago. 

I move out of my little apartment in Manoa tomorrow and the process of getting rid of stuff has been ongoing. Today, I decided to have a small garage sale. I woke up early and the weather was nice so I put an ad on Craigslist and started to carry stuff outside. As soon as I got the books and printer and computer speakers outside…it began to rain. So I cussed. I cussed and stood in the rain and eventually it stopped enough that people stopped by and bought things. They bought the sword and the paintings and the rice cooker and the pot and the sheets and towels and a few books and my beach stuff and a chair, a couple of hammers, knives, a leather briefcase, and various odds and ends. A couple of books, but mostly I had to keep them covered with a tarp because of the intermittent rain. A strange Bulgarian woman stopped and bought a lot of things and told me dirty jokes, she didn’t tell the jokes very well, but here is one of them:

The postman is retiring and the lady of the house wants to do something special for him so she asks her husband what she should get him “Fuck him” the husband says, “Give him a dollar”. So the next day after the husband goes to work she puts on her sexy underpants and waits for the mailman. When he comes she asks him in and takes him up to the bedroom. She brings him a sandwich and then makes passionate love to him. Afterwards, the postman says, “If I would have known, all these years, we could have run away together” – “Oh No” she says my husband told me to do this. “He did?” the mailman says confused. At this point she is getting dressed and tosses him a silver dollar…”Yeah, he said ‘fuck him, give him a dollar’ but the sandwich was my idea!”
So anyway, the best part of the joke was a crazy old Bulgarian woman in funny hat telling me a not so funny dirty joke while I was trying to sell my stuff to other people who stopped. She had on this fuzzy purple hat and went off about how as a Jewish Bulgarian white woman in Hawaii working as a professional architect she has been persecuted since she got here and now she is going to make people pay. Then she paid for her stuff and left.
A few more people and then I painted free over the G-sale sign and took the books and printer to the free store at UH. I’m almost down to what I want to have, but I need to keep a few things for work and school…but soon…soon I will be carrying a pretty light possession load. I’m certain that I will have less than 100 things. I may already have less than a hundred things. I’ll have to check.

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Damitio  (@vagodamitio) is the Editor-in-Chief for Vagobond. Life is good. You can also find him on Google+ and at Facebook

1 thought on “Flashback: Homeless Vagobond

  1. I wonder how many people realise that leather isn’t just from a cow. Many animals from sheep, goat and pig have their skins turned into leather bags and other clothing too! We adour leather bags.

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