I realize this post is a little bit out of sequence with our trip to Turkey, but as many of you know, I’ve moved from Morocco to Turkey. A lot of friends on facebook and twitter are asking me “What went wrong in Morocco?” and there is some concern about what is happening.

I intend to clear all of that up with this post.

The short answer is nothing went wrong in Morocco. Here is the summary of what went very right.

I left Hawaii in 2008 looking for a home and not feeling like I would find it in the USA. I was drawn to Europe and had felt like Turkey might be a place for me for some time.

However, while I was in Spain, I kept hearing from people I met about how wonderful their travels in Morocco had been. Now I usually think of things like this: If I hear something once, no big deal. If I hear something twice, it’s coincidence but my ears perk up. If I hear it three times I start considering what the universe is telling me. And in this case, I heard from dozens of people about why I, me specifically, should go to Morocco. So I went.

I’ll be honest here and those of you who have been following my travels will remember this: I wasn’t crazy about Morocco from the beginning. I felt like the touts in Fez were among the most pushy I’d ever met. I felt like everyone I met had an agenda. I was aghast that a country with such a beautiful landscape should be filled with so much garbage and litter.

And yet, I felt like I was there for a reason. That’s when I went to Sefrou for the first time and met Hanane. The love of my life, now my wife. Still, I wasn’t crazy about Morocco. I tried to get her to run away with me. I tried to leave. Three times! And yet, I kept having to go back to her. I realized the only way I could get her away from Morocco was if I married her and so we began the nightmare of bureaucratic red tape to make our marriage.

In the meantime, I managed to start a successful business based on blogging and web design, I started to make money writing, and I landed a job teaching English in Fez. All of that was very right.

In fact, everything went right. We got our marriage papers, I got residency (which helped with the marriage papers), we were making some money, and I managed to rent an apartment in Sefrou and then to be closer to my work, an apartment in Fez. Since I was teaching on a contract, it was important to stay until it was completed, though I wanted to evacuate right away on one level as soon as we were legally wed.

The contract ended, we took an exploratory trip to Turkey, we both got jobs, and now I am here getting things going and she will be coming in about a month. So, there is the short answer, everything went right in Morocco and now, it seems to be going right in Turkey.

Now, the long answer is going to be a bit more controversial. Essentially, this is the answer to the question “Why don’t you want to live in Morocco?” This is going to piss some people off. In fact, it already has. The bulk of what I’m about to tell you was published as a guest post on a fellow travel writer’s blog and the negative reaction to it and to me was so strong that he asked my permission to pull the piece. I assented. The gist of the reaction was from those who had traveled in Morocco and went like this “I traveled in Morocco and found it to be wonderful, Vago should go back to his clean sanitized USA” or ” I lived in Morocco in the 1970′s and I can tell you this guy is full of shit”. And similar sentiments. Before I give my response, I’ll share my essay which is really a different answer to “What went wrong in Morocco?”

Morocco is a beautiful country. It is filled with a huge variety of natural landscapes from the sands of the Sahara to the magnificent peaks of the High Atlas mountains. Surrounded by two oceans and a sea of Sand, it offers an amazing diversity of scenic places. When you add in the exotic culture, the beautiful people, and the magnificent architecture, what you get is a photographers Disneyland, an ethnographers delight, and a visitor’s peak travel experience.

What you get when you are an expat is all of that…plus the frustration of learning to adapt to a country that has a built in excuse for not doing anything, a nightmarish bureaucracy, and a cultural history that is part fantasy, part reality, and totally fucked up….at least in the grand scheme of things. I’m not saying Morocco isn’t a wonderful place because it is. It is one of the most developed nations in Africa and it is figuring out ways to make itself a more important place in the scheme of the world. What I’m saying is that there a number of things in Morocco that by living here, you learn to recognize as just plain f***ed up.

I’ll keep this brief rather than going into all the details but here are the things that cause me to want to leave Morocco.

1) A large number of Moroccan men who are uneducated, living in poverty, not married, and under the age of 25 (a sizable percentage of Morocco’s male population) are a particularly disgusting sort of leches. These young men seem to consider it their duty and their right to harass unescorted women on the street whether it is broad daylight or any other time. Those who are least educated are the worst offenders. Harassment ranges from obscene gestures and words to grabbing and rape. While I am a man and don’t have to suffer this, each time I see it, I want to smash some guys teeth out. Unfortunately, if I acted on that, I would be leaving at least four or five guys toothless every day. My wife gets harassed unless I am with her. If foreign women understood what is being said to them, most of them would leave and never return.

2) Public health nightmares. Moroccans eat from the same plates, drink from communal glasses, and many ‘restaurants’ have a very loose idea about cleaning dishes in a sanitary way. Foods are often left out far longer than is safe without being covered or refrigerated. Restrooms are considered to be just about anywhere you choose to go for a large number of people (That’s not a dog turd you just stepped in Mister!) . Despite the frequent washing that Islam requires, soap is not used for hand washing by a very large number of people (from what I can see), even though the left hand is most definitely used in place of toilet paper. (Once again, this is a matter of income, education, and other factors) Now, I’m not a clean freak, but I do think that all of this adds up to a future public health nightmare and I don’t want my family or me to be a part of it.

3) Great starters, lousy finishers. If you travel or live in Morocco for any length of time you will see countless unfinished projects from houses to hotels to highways to bridges. Moroccans are great starters, unfortunately, it seems that they usually start a new project before finishing those they have already started. This includes work at the office, bureaucracy, and even housework. My mother-in-law works ten times harder than she needs to because she starts everything and finishes nothing. Part of this is a result of interruption, no matter what you are doing, if someone enters the room you are expected to stop and exchange greetings and formalities.

4) Inchallah is used as the ultimate cop out. Those Moroccans who choose to can have a built in excuse to not do whatever they don’t want to do whether it is their homework, attending a meeting, or fulfilling their duties. Inchallah, basically “If God Wills it…” such as “I’ll find a job, Inchallah” which means, “I’m not looking but God will give me one if he wants me to have one, meanwhile I’ll sit in this cafe all day and harass the women God sends by for me to harass.”

5) French Bureaucracy + Inchallah = Total Hell. The French have the reputation as having the most nightmarish bureaucracy on the planet, but Moroccan is worse. During the French Administration of Morocco, the French installed their bureaucracy and when they left, the local administrators added “Inchallah” to it. The result is a system that combines French leave with the will of God, meaning that no one is willing to answer any questions and they don’t want to send you to someone else because they don’t want that person to get any sort of improved status from helping you (not that they would anyway) or to have anyone see that they really aren’t doing their job.

6) Crabs in a bucket. Moroccans are a status crazy people. Unfortunately, the easiest way to bring your status higher is to drag someone else down. Gossip and slander are non-stop in Morocco. Like crabs in a bucket, as soon as someone gets near the top, the ones under them pull them down to try to climb over them. The result is a nightmare of everyone trying to protect themselves while they try to attack anyone seen as a threat. In the pre-French times, this was common among tribal clans. When a leadership coup happened, it was common to take the ousted leaders, seize their possessions, leave them destitute, publicly humiliate them, and often kill them. Even if it was your brother or father.

7) Hshuma. Hshuma is the concept of shame. It is a complex subject that causes huge misunderstandings and difficult situations. One example is concerning lying. It isn’t hshuma per se to lie, but to admit being a liar or to be caught in a lie is a big time hshuma. So, no matter how outrageous the lie, a Moroccan will almost never admit to it. Lying is very common. Admitting a lie is almost unheard of. Here is an example. A boy in the medina might meet you and tell you he is an orphan. Later you become friends and he invites you to his house where you eat with his mother and father. Despite the obvious truth of the situation, the boy will never admit that he is not an orphan. This happens in millions of situations daily in Morocco from prices to gossip to homework being late. And it’s not just lying, hshuma dictates a huge portion of daily life from who you can talk to, to where you can go, to what you can do. There are anthropological tombs written on it. It’s fascinating, but I don’t want to deal with it or be subject to it. In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t have much shame.

8) Litter. Garbage simply “goes back to nature” and even if you throw it in a bin, it is likely that it will go there.

9) The evil eye and djinn. Morocco is a Muslim nation. The educated have a more enlightened view of the Koran as a guidebook that needs to be interpreted, but for most of the masses, if it is written in Koran or Hadith, it is true. Ignorance on a scale that can only be matched by Christian Fundamentalists trying to convince you about their Creationist theories or Mormon’s telling you how Joseph Smith was able to talk to God through his hat.

10) Begging. Begging in Morocco is accepted and tolerated, even if you are sitting in a restaurant eating a meal or on a bus, don’t be surprised to have a beggar hounding you for coins or even picking the food from the leftovers on the plate. There is virtually no respite from them. If you meet their eyes for even an instant, it is through, they will be on you. This leaves no room for a sympathetic word or look, or for any kind of human decency. You have to ignore, pay, or tell them to bugger off.

This list could go on and on, but as I said at the beginning, Morocco is a beautiful country filled with exotic landscapes and cultures. The Moroccan people are for the most part friendly, educated, charming, helpful, and incredibly sweet. Once you get used to everything above, it starts to not drive you as crazy as it does at first, but in my opinion, until these problems are solved, Morocco will continue to be a developing country and perhaps it will even move backwards on the chart of human development.

So, as a start…that’s what I think went wrong in Morocco. To those who don’t want to hear my opinions or think I’m an ass for voicing them, I can only assure you that I’m not alone. I’ve been accused of being culturally insensitive, but then so were Levi Strauss, Franz Boas, and Margaret Meade, so at least I’m in good company.

To be fair, I know a lot of Moroccans to whom none of the above apply, but in my experience they are the very small minority. I think the King of Morocco is doing an incredible job and that he is actively trying to change things for the better, he is the Muslim version of Obama (in my humble opinion) but like Obama, his work is hugely overwhelming.

Now, as to my critics: It’s different to live in a country than it is to travel in one. As a person with many Moroccan friends, a Moroccan wife, and an extended Moroccan family that is far from priveliged (not to mention a background in cultural anthropology) I think I have a fairly unique position that is considerably different from that of someone who travels there for a few months, buys a riad and restores it, or someone who employs Moroccans (as servants, workers, carpenters, drivers, or even teachers). As to me going back to the United States because it is clean and sanitized…lofl…I dream of trading my USA passport for a Hawaiian passport or a Cascadian passport. In that case, you can expect me to come running, but otherwise, the USA and Morocco both have far too many problems for me to want to call them home.

So, my friends, my readers, please excuse this rather longwinded answer, but I wanted you to hear it straight from the horse’s ass … err… mouth.

I know that a lot of people don’t travel because of the worries associated with it. Travel can be stressful and the media doesn’t help much by telling us about every travel disaster, terrorist event, or travel nightmare. The truth is that it doesn’t matter if you are heading to Pompano Beach, Houston, or Tahiti because the dangers are all about the same. Of course, if you are heading somewhere and really worried about it, you can always invest in some travel insurance.

Don't worry, Enjoy your Vacation!

Whether you are planning an extended stay or visiting tropical island beach hotels, the following tips will take some of the worry out of your vacations, cruises, or outdoor adventures.

International travel has always appealed to students because students are those most likely to enjoy obstacles and dangers. Being out of your familiar environment is something that can cause confusion and misunderstandings so the first tip for worry warts is about paperwork.

Worry Free Travel Tip #1 : Have your papers!

World travel can involve a lot of papers

I’m not talking about your New York Times here, I’m talking about documentation. I was once asked about my birth certificate when I was getting a car rental in London. So, this is about more than just your passport. Your passport is important too. Make sure it is still valid well before you leave. Make sure it still has blank pages which can be stamped. Ensure that you have the proper visas or can get the visa upon arrival. Here are the list of documents I recommend you travel with:

* Passport – walid with blank pages
* Country Visa
* Copy of Birth Certificate
* Student ID
* Driver’s License
* Credit Cards
* Copy #1 of all the above in your luggage
* Copy #2 of all the above hidden in a coat or pants pocket or inside a different bag
* 10 passport sized photos

Two copies? Yes. You don’t want to worry right? Having copies makes a huge difference if you lose something or if you run into problems. The photos will come in handy if you have to do anything relating to consulates or embassies. In regards to photocopies of your credit cards, I recommend you blank out some of the numbers on your copies and just remember which number is blanked out like ’23′.

Worry Free Travel Tip #2 : Money without Stress

Stop worrying about the money, Sonny!

If money makes you crazy with worry, here is what you can do. Change a little bit of money before you leave your home country for the local currency. You’ll get the worst rate at home most likely, so I wouldn’t change a huge amount. I would say about $200 or the equivalent is enough. This is just in case you can’t find an ATM when you get there. In addition, put $100 in USD, Euros, or Pounds in a couple different spots for emergencies, these are safe currencies that you can use just about anywhere in the world.

Don’t count on your ATM working or a currency exchange being open and available when you arrive. Sometimes they aren’t.This can be especially true when you fly into airports serviced by cheap flights. Now you don’t have to worry about it. Make sure you know your PIN numbers by heart. There’s little that’s worse than having your card shut down because you used the wrong pin. It’s a good idea to have someone who you trust have your pin #s and copies of your information too.

In terms of exchange, ATMs often offer the most competitive rates. My recommendation is to forget about traveler’s checks. You lose on both ends with them and often you can’t use them in restaurants, cheap hotels, or guest houses.

Worry Free Travel Tip #3 : Dealing with Taxi Drivers

Not all taxi drivers are crooks, but some are!

It’s true that in many cities, taxi drivers are just waiting to rip you off. This isn’t just true in third world countries but also in cities like Los Angeles, Las Vegas, and Orlando too.

Use the internet before you leave home to see how much a trip from the airport should cost. Often driver’s won’t use the meter for set trips and you need to know what the cost should be. Look out for ‘special discounts’ and make sure you have local currency because they usually won’t accept foreign cash, credit cards, or traveler’s checks and if they do, they usually will gouge you on the rate. If they offer to take you around on your first day for a small tour, take their card or number and feign interest since if they think you are going to be coming back, it is unlikely that they will try to gouge you. Know where you are going to stay or pretend you know, taking taxi recommendations for hotels is usually a way for them to make a few bucks at your expense.

Worry Free Travel Tip #4 : World Travel with Kids

Traveling with kids can be fun or stressful

If you are going to bring your children bring their birth certificates. If you are traveling in some Arab countries, single women traveling with children need written permission from the children’s father and there are other odd regulations that you should know about before embarking upon your journey. Airlines often have special promotions for kids that are worth finding out about.

Worry Free Travel Tip #5 : Lost Bags

It's a good idea to take a digital picture of the contents of your check in bags.

Most airlines will provide you with a small amount of money if they misplace your bags and most bags are found within 24 hours. Make sure that you have information about your rental cars, vacation packages, and hotel rooms with you and don’t trust that your checked bag will make it. It usually does, but why create an extra chance for yourself to worry?

For summer travel remember that you can’t carry big containers of sunscreen in your carry on. If you must bring it with you, buy a small bottle that conforms to airline regulations.

Worry Free Travel Tip #6 : Your Emergency Paper or Travel Book

In addtion to rental car, hotel, and flight information, your travel book can also give you something to do while you wait. Like sketching.

While it would be nice to be able to memorize all the essential information about your vacations, this usually isn’t very practical. This is especially true for extended travel.

Create a piece of paper or small notebook with information about your hotel rooms, rental car, airline confirmation numbers, and any addresses or phone numbers you may need such as those of local institutes you plan to visit.

I call this my travel book and it is essential that it fits in your pocket. It’s also a good idea to have emergency phone numbers, consulate information, and maybe even your passwords or pin numbers inside. The way to do this is to write something that contains your passwords, looks natural, and doesn’t scream out password. Don’t write: “UBC Pin = 6767″ or “Citibank Password = HungryMonkey 101″ instead write something like

“6767 South Vegas Street, New York, NY” or “Places to eat in Florida – The Hungry Monkey on Route 101″, you’ll know what the pin or password is but it’s very unlikely any thieves would be able to figure it out.

It’s important to include the contact information for your banks and credit cards and the number to call if they get lost or stolen. Keep this piece of paper or travel book on you at all times.

Now, stop worrying and start enjoying your travels.

Time is not money though this Paris sculpture certainly is both.

One thing that screws everyone up, including me, is being in too much of a hurry. We all think time is money but in fact, it’s the opposite, money is time usually but time is time and you have a set amount of it to do with what you please. You can trade it for money, give it away for free, or waste it being a pissed off grumpy asshole but you can’t actually buy time, you can only sell it.

So the lesson from that leads to my third tip for traveling the world for almost nothing.

World Travel for Almost Nothing Tip #3:

Chill out man. Just take it easy. The slower you move the less money it takes. Think about it, if you want to get a ticket to wherever you want to go today and then come back in three days, you have to pay a premium. However, if you slow it down and make it for a departure in a month and staying indefinitely…it’s cheaper. Now how about if you walk there….take a year to get there.

Sometimes when you slow down enough people will even show you what they have in their basements...

As a guy who has walked around the perimeter of Oahu, Hawaii and who hitched across Canada with $4, I can tell you that being in a hurry means you have to pay. If you are willing to take your time, you won’t. I’m currently on a slow motion trip around the world. It’s happening, but not in 80 days.

I was hoping this hot air baloon would give me a ride across Canada's plains, but no luck that time.

Sometimes a beer is necessary. Usually it's not. It's always good though.

The cost for this moment was only paid in muscle.

World Travel Tip #2

Modern nation states are built on a simple lie. That lie tells you that unless you can pay for new goods and services your life won’t be worth anything. It’s complete and total crap.

A look at Maslow’s hierarchy of needs shows what you actually need. Food, sleep, air, defecation, and a sense of who you are. That’s it. The rest is luxury and as such is not necessary. In fact, it often gets in the way.

Nobody is charging you to breathe. Water can be found for free just about everywhere on the planet (though it may take a little umm…digestive adjustment), if there isn’t a free toilet, you can probably defecate on the ground, and if you don’t know who you are, isn’t it time you found out? You don’t need a therapist to tell you, you just need to take the time to ask yourself and listen for an answer. In addition companionship, love, self esteem, and even security can be found for little to nothing.

These strangers became friends as I hiked around the Island of Oahu. A simple hello led to sandwiches and ice cold water! Mmmm!

Step outside and start a conversation with a stranger and I can promise you that if you are looking for food or shelter, you will find them, maybe not with the first person you talk with but certainly with someone. Contrary to popular belief, people are GOOD and they want to help each other. Unless you are a real ass, you’ll find people take joy in being a part of your life and that includes food and shelter.

Tomorrow: Adjusting your pace

12/23/08
Here’s a picture of me and my two bond Girls Priscilla and Naomi

And this is Bond Girl Maria

My buddy Hunter. He kills wabbits but not the Vagobunny.

The scandalous pussycake made by Elyse

And finally Elyse and Mike Peterson and Mr. Shaka himself- Ketz.

12/21/08
Thanks for taking these Mink! First, and I think this is funny, here is where they read out my name when I graduated “with Honors”. That phrase may sound familiar to some of you who have read Rough Living because a very crazy guy I gave a ride to several years ago kept saying he was going to go to Alaska and graduate “with honors” I have no idea if he did, but I came to hawaii and graduated with honors so maybe he was psychic but saw the 49th instead of the 50th state.

And then, here is the first of perhaps thousands of pictures to follow of me doing the Vagobunny!

12/19/08

Well, I’ve completed my preliminary couch surfing in Hawaii and I figured I would spend the last three nights I am in Hawaii (for who knows how long) in the comfort of a hotel room. I picked the hotel next to the hostel I used to manage, The Polynesian Hostel.

Back in 2001-2002 when I managed the hostel, I used to look next Queen Kapiolani and wonder what it was like to stay at such a nice place. Now I know. It’s not as nice as the hostel, though the view from my water damaged room on the 16th floor is a lot nicer than the view from the hostel.

Still, in the hostel, I never allowed the paint to peel, one would think that a hotel would fix that, especially one that charges $150 + a night (I’m paying less than half that, Kamaaina Rate). And one would think that since the hostel has free wifi, that the hotel next door might do the same. No. It’s $10 a day at the hotel. And coffee? Well, the hostel has free coffee in the morning, but in the hotel, there is a little sign next to the in room coffee pot that says if I brew a tiny pot of coffee it will be a additional $2 charge! As if! I will of course be getting coffee from the hostel just as I am using the internet at the hostel…I’ve already paid for my room or I would be staying at the hostel as well…

So..now I understand why so many tourists that pay full price look like someone just stuck a cattle prod up their ass…

Having said that, look what the hotel says on the web:

Queen Kapiolani Hotel

Now look at the good ole Polynesian Hostel

Don’t worry though. I’m happy and having fun, but I’ve learned a valuable lesson about what it is like on the other side of the fence. Better view, but no free coffee!

12/17/08


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Crashing on Rasta Gandolph’s couch. We got all crazy last night and stayed up late drinking water and playing chess. Wild times!

12/15/08


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While I was riding my skateboard around Waikiki today, I ran into my buddy Rocky. Rocky is the captain of one of the catamarans that pulls up on Waikiki and takes folks out for sunset and blue water cruises. If you make it to Waikiki, his catamaran is the one right behind the statue of Duke Kahanamoku. Rocky and I became friends when I was working as a casting assistant for a reality show that was trying to find Hawaii people for their wife-swap show.
Rocky used to be a professional wrestler in the 1980′s. He wrestled under the name Aboudeen, mostly around Portland, Oregon and the Pacific Northwest. If you meet Rocky on the beach, tell him that the Vagobond sent you and if he looks puzzled just say, the guy who wrote the vagabond book. He will know who you mean right away.

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Staying with my friend Gavin Goon this evening. He lives right next to the Ala Wai canal in Waikiki in a deluxe big building. Tonight I am feeling totally relaxed after utilizing the the furo bath, the sauna, and the pool.

Yesterday was equally enjoyable as I had dinner with Jaida and Trisno and we hung out enjoyably and then had breakfast with friends this morning.

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Originally uploaded by chrisdamitio

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For some reason, the video where they give answers has been stubbornly refusing to load to my flickr account, so I will put a link to it here.

At the end of the interview, Jaida starts talking about the Antikythera Mechanism. Here is more info on that:

Link

In 1901 divers working off the isle of Antikythera found the remains of a clocklike mechanism 2,000 years old. The mechanism now appears to have been a device for calculating the motions of stars and planets by Derek J. de Solla Price
From June 1959 Scientific American p.60-7

I went back and asked Big Mike the questions yesterday. Maybe I can get interviews with all of my hosts.

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Originally uploaded by chrisdamitio

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I surfed my buddy Hunter’s couch last night. For those of you who pay attention to this blog, you may notice that I asked Hunter the same two questions in the video I asked Norm. I am going to ask all of my couch surfing hosts these questions in the future.The questions are:
1) How can we save the world? and
2) What is the coolest technology out there?

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Hunter is a permaculture instructor and you can check out some of the cool stuff he does at thegreenhousehawaii.com

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Originally uploaded by chrisdamitio

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Originally uploaded by chrisdamitio

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The great panoramic view from Norm’s couch (sic) floor.

12/11/09
Totally great time surfing the plush couch at Yadira, Shanna, and Stacey’s place. Lots of funny conversation, a crazy fight between neighbors that all seemed to be in a contest to yell ‘Fuck you’ the loudest. The couch was super comfortable, the pancakes Stacey made this morning were delicious, and the company was superb. The problem with couch surfing is that I want to spend more time everywhere I go, but I also want to experience as many couches and friends (new and old) as possible.

So, that being said, I am on a new couch this evening. I am sitting on my friend Rachel’s couch at the moment and we have just finished some brown rice that was totally delicious. Very nice. I’m starting to feel the shortage of time and the abundance of couches…but I try to remind myself to enjoy the moment.